The Please Others Driver: When a Leadership Strength Starts Working Against You.
The Please Others Driver
Please Others is perhaps one of the easiest Drivers to mistake entirely for a strength.
And understandably so.
Leaders with a strong Please Others Driver are often empathetic, supportive and collaborative. They are good team players, strong communicators and relationship builders. They notice what is happening around them, consider different perspectives and genuinely care about the people they lead.
They can be the people who hold a team together.
These are valuable leadership qualities.
But what happens when the pressure builds?
That's where it gets interesting.
Because under prolonged or chronic stress, those same strengths can begin to work against us.
Empathy can become people pleasing.
Being considerate can become difficulty saying no.
Wanting to involve others can make decision-making harder.
Maintaining harmony can become avoiding conflict.
Supporting everyone else can mean continually putting our own needs at the bottom of the list.
And I know this one particularly well.
Please Others is my go-to Driver.
When I first became aware of it, I began to recognise just how much it had contributed positively to the way I lead and work with people.
But I also started recognising something else.
When I was under extreme pressure, I leaned into it even more.
I would take on too much. Saying no became harder. I worried about disappointing people. I could put other people's needs ahead of my own and sometimes avoid a difficult conversation because maintaining the relationship felt more comfortable.
The behaviour itself became a warning sign.
Today, when I notice those patterns becoming stronger, I know to stop and ask myself:
Is this strength serving me right now—or has my Driver taken over?
That awareness has been incredibly important for me.
Because understanding our Drivers isn't about getting rid of them.
In coaching, we take a deep dive into our Drivers so that we understand not only our dominant patterns, but also the other Drivers available to us.
Sometimes the situation doesn't need me to Please Others.
It might need some Be Strong so that I can hold my ground.
It might need Be Perfect because greater attention to detail is required.
It might need Hurry Up because a decision genuinely needs to be made.
Or Try Hard because perseverance is exactly what's called for.
The aim isn't to replace one Driver with another. It's to develop the awareness and flexibility to adapt rather than automatically default to the pattern that feels most familiar.
That was one of the most powerful takeaways from Session 4 of our Leadership Programme:
Drivers are not our personality. They are patterns we have learned—and awareness gives us the opportunity to choose whether they are still serving us.
For me, that is where self-awareness becomes practical leadership.
It's not simply knowing yourself better.
It's noticing yourself in the moment—particularly when you're under pressure—and having the ability to choose a different response.
Because sometimes our greatest leadership strength is exactly what we need.
And sometimes, great leadership means knowing when not to use it.
Warmly,
Johanna
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