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Diverse participants engaged in collaborative workshop discussion with facilitator in bright, naturally-lit modern space

"Why do intelligent, capable leaders keep repeating the same behaviours under pressure?"One of the most thought-provoking moments in Session 4 of my <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Women's Leadership Programme </a>came when we explored the Five Drivers from Transactional Analysis.As each participant completed the questionnaire, something interesting happened.People began laughing.Not because the exercise was funny.Because they recognised themselves.One participant admitted she struggled to say no.Another realised perfectionism was keeping her working long after everyone else had gone home.Someone else recognised they rarely asked for help, even when they desperately needed it.Different behaviours.The same underlying process.As leaders, we often believe we're making conscious decisions.But under pressure, we frequently operate on autopilot.Transactional Analysis calls these automatic patterns Drivers—deeply ingrained messages that influence how we think, behave and lead, particularly when stress begins to build. One or two Drivers usually become dominant under pressure, often pushing us towards perfectionism, people pleasing, overworking, rushing, or carrying everything on our own.The surprising part? Our Drivers are not weaknesses.They are often the very qualities that helped us become successful.A Be Perfect leader strives for excellence.A Please Others leader creates trust and connection.A Be Strong leader remains calm during a crisis.A Hurry Up leader gets things moving.A Try Hard leader brings energy, creativity and persistence.These qualities are valuable.In fact, they're often exactly what our teams appreciate most.The problem isn't the Driver.The problem is what happens when pressure becomes chronic.That's when our greatest strength can quietly become our biggest limitation.The perfectionist struggles to delegate.The people pleaser can't say no.The strong leader carries everything alone.The energetic leader rushes decisions.The persistent leader keeps trying long after a different approach is needed.One sentence from the session seemed to resonate with everyone:"Every Driver brings valuable leadership strengths. The key is recognising when a Driver is serving you—and when, under pressure, it begins to drive your behaviour instead of you consciously choosing how to lead." That is where emotional intelligence begins.Not by changing who we are.But by becoming aware of the patterns that quietly take over when life becomes demanding.Next week I'll share the Driver that has shaped much of my own leadership journey—and how recognising it changed the way I lead.The next <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Women's Leadership Programme</a> is starting on Wednesday 16th September, I invite you to join the journey.Warmly,JohannaFurther Reading <a data-mce-href="Hay,%20J.%20Organisational%20Transactional%20Analysis%20and%20Permissions%20–%20An%20Essay." href="Hay,%20J.%20Organisational%20Transactional%20Analysis%20and%20Permissions%20–%20An%20Essay.">Kahler, T. (1975). Drivers: The Key to the Process of Scripts. Transactional Analysis Journal.</a><a data-mce-href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/036215370003000307" href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/036215370003000307">Hay, J. Organisational Transactional Analysis and Permissions – An Essay.</a>

The Hidden Patterns Quietly Driving Your Leadership

Professional taking mindful reflection moment at organized desk with plants and notebook in calm, naturally-lit workspace

<h2>Your Leadership Triggers Are Not Your Weakness</h2>One of the most powerful exercises we explored during this week's <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/leadership-women-group" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/leadership-women-group">group leadership programme </a>was identifying our personal leadership triggers.Every leader has them.The situations that instantly change how we think, feel or behave.Sometimes it's being challenged.Sometimes it's conflict.Sometimes it's feeling unsupported.Sometimes it's when things don't go according to plan.The interesting part isn't the trigger itself.It's what happens next.As each participant reflected on a recent leadership experience, different patterns began to emerge.One recognised a tendency to raise her voice during conflict.Another noticed withdrawing and replaying conversations long after they had ended.Someone else realised she avoided difficult situations altogether, hoping they would simply disappear.Different behaviours.Different personalities.Yet the same underlying process.When we feel threatened, criticised or overwhelmed, our emotional brain reacts instinctively. Before we know it, we're reacting rather than responding. This is what psychologist Daniel Goleman refers to as an emotional hijack.During the session, I shared a metaphor that I often use to explain this.Imagine a lion and its trainer.The lion represents the emotional part of our brain. It is powerful, instinctive and reacts quickly.The trainer represents the logical, thinking part of our brain.If you asked who is stronger, the answer would be the lion.But who is in control?The trainer.Not because the trainer is stronger, but because over time they have built trust, earned respect and learned how to guide the lion rather than fight against it.Our brains work in much the same way.Our emotions are incredibly powerful. We cannot stop ourselves from feeling them, nor should we. But we can strengthen the logical part of our brain so that it guides our emotional responses instead of being overwhelmed by them.That training begins with emotional intelligence.First, we recognise what we're feeling.Then we understand what the emotion is trying to tell us.Finally, we learn how to manage our response so that our emotions inform our decisions rather than control them.One thing I always remind my clients is this:Your trigger is not your weakness.It is information.It is pointing towards something that matters.Perhaps a value.Perhaps an unmet emotional need.Perhaps an old belief that no longer serves you.When we become curious instead of critical, those same triggers become opportunities for growth.Emotional intelligence isn't about becoming emotionless.It's about becoming more intentional.The leaders who make the greatest impact aren't the ones who never feel frustrated, anxious or overwhelmed.They're the ones who have learned to recognise those emotions, understand them, and choose how they respond.<a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/leadership-women-group" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/leadership-women-group">And that's a skill every one of us can develop - &nbsp;when emotional intelligence becomes a practical leadership skill—not just an interesting concept.</a>In my next blog I'll write about how emotional intelligence can support you setting boundaries.Warmly,Johanna<a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/leadership-women-group-2" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/leadership-women-group-2">Learn more about how emotional intelligence can support your leadership growth?﻿</a><a data-mce-href="https://calendly.com/jpebc/coaching-session" href="https://calendly.com/jpebc/coaching-session">Book a free discovery call.</a> Further reading:<a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance" href="https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance">Goleman, Boyatzis &amp; McKee</a> <a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance" href="https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance">Primal Leadership: The Hidden Driver of Great Performance (Harvard Business Review)</a><a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance" href="https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance">Research published in the Harvard Business Review shows that a leader's emotional state has a direct influence on the people around them. Leaders don't just manage tasks—they set the emotional tone for their teams. That's why recognising our own emotional triggers isn't simply a personal skill; it's a leadership responsibility.</a>

Managing Your Emotions During Extreme Pressure at Work Post

<h3>How building your emotional intelligence helps.</h3> Yesterday I facilitated the first session of my <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">Leadership Under Pressure programme </a>with a wonderful group of women leaders from different parts of the world.<figure id="figure-fz4j8i8s6cmrw1bhq4"><img id="fz4j8i8s6cmrw1bhq4" src="https://rjdavx8ozyznxeyh.public.blob.vercel-storage.com/production/websites/infinite-images/00ff6c06-ebdd-43bd-a2cc-3629dffb76e1-BsGGQ7XSzsoOk327YLJ1dVBxR3FUop.png" alt="Business coach and entrepreneur in focused conversation at modern wooden table with natural window light and coaching materials" title="Business coach and entrepreneur in focused conversation at modern wooden table with natural window light and coaching materials" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 " style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://rjdavx8ozyznxeyh.public.blob.vercel-storage.com/production/websites/infinite-images/00ff6c06-ebdd-43bd-a2cc-3629dffb76e1-BsGGQ7XSzsoOk327YLJ1dVBxR3FUop.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Although they work in different industries, live on different continents and have very different leadership roles, one thing became immediately clear.Pressure speaks the same language.Whether it's conflict, tight deadlines, uncertainty or high expectations, pressure has a way of changing how we lead.As we began exploring recent leadership situations, I asked each participant a simple question:"When leadership becomes difficult, what changes first?"The answers were surprisingly similar.Patience.Communication.Confidence.Sleep.<a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">Decision making.</a><a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">Energy.</a><a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">These aren't signs of poor leadership.</a><a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">They're signs that our nervous system has taken over.</a><a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">This is exactly where emotional intelligence becomes so valuable.</a>Many people think emotional intelligence is about staying calm or hiding emotions.It isn't.It's about recognising what is happening inside us before our emotions begin making decisions on our behalf.During the session we explored four emotional intelligence competencies that become especially important under pressure:Emotional self-awareness Impulse control Stress tolerance Reality testing These skills don't remove pressure.They help us respond to it differently.One of the most powerful moments came when participants realised that the behaviours they disliked most about themselves weren't actually the problem.The raised voice.The withdrawal.The overthinking.The avoidance.These behaviours were simply signals.Something underneath needed attention.That shift in perspective changed the conversation completely.Rather than asking,"What's wrong with me?"they began asking,"What is this reaction trying to tell me?"For me, that's where real leadership development begins.Not by trying to become someone different.But by becoming more aware of ourselves.Because awareness always comes before change.In my next blog in this series I'll write about how to interrupt those automatic reactions before they become habits.<a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">And that is where emotional intelligence becomes a practical leadership skill—not just an interesting concept.</a><a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">Learn more about how emotional intelligence can support your leadership growth?</a> <a data-mce-href="https://calendly.com/jpebc/coaching-session" href="https://calendly.com/jpebc/coaching-session">Book a free discovery call.</a>Warmly,Johanna&nbsp;<a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader" href="https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">Read more on the topic: https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader?</a><a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader" href="https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader">Research by Daniel Goleman published in the Harvard Business Review found that emotional intelligence is one of the distinguishing characteristics of outstanding leaders—not because it removes pressure, but because it helps leaders respond to pressure more effectively.</a>

Under Pressure at work? What pressure reveals about us as leaders.

Professional coach and client having an engaged consultation session in a modern, light-filled office with city skyline view

<h3>How Emotional Intelligence Helps When You're Under Pressure at Work</h3> One of the core competencies of emotional intelligence is learning the skill of recognising and understanding our emotions when they show up. In this post, I want to focus on recognising our emotions, because this is the very first step.To recognise an emotion, we first need to feel it in our body. When that disturbance arrives, instead of reacting automatically, we pause and observe. Where am I feeling this? Is it in my stomach? In my chest? Around my heart? In my head? Where exactly is it showing up?Once you've noticed where you are feeling it, ask yourself: What emotion am I actually experiencing? Is it hurt? Is it intimidation? Jealousy? Anxiety? Fear?Simply naming the emotion helps us to see it more objectively. It creates a small but important distance between the emotion and ourselves, allowing us to observe it rather than become consumed by it. This is the beginning of developing emotional intelligence.The next time you notice an emotional reaction, perhaps you're sitting in a meeting and someone says something that catches you off guard, or you're having a conversation with a colleague and something they say creates a disturbance inside you, pause for a moment. Notice what is happening within you. Is your chest tightening? Is your heart beating faster? Do you feel a hot flush rising through your body? Is there a knot in your stomach or a heaviness in your chest?Before doing anything else, simply ask yourself: What emotion am I feeling right now?This is where emotional intelligence begins—not by changing the emotion or trying to make it disappear, but by recognising that it is there.In my next blog, I'll explore the second part of this process: understanding what your emotions are trying to tell you, the message they carry, and why learning to listen to them can transform the way you lead under pressure.My coaching <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/women-leadership" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/women-leadership" target="_blank" rel="noopener">1:1 programs</a> and <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Group Leadership Programs</a> focus on helping you develop your emotional intelligence (EI)&nbsp; by teaching you tools and strategies so that it becomes one of your core leadership pillars to support you to lead with clarity, calmness and confidence.Warmly,Johanna<a data-mce-href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DWBgt0kjFqv/?hl=en" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DWBgt0kjFqv/?hl=en" target="_blank" rel="noopener">What is my anxiety saying to me?</a><a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/2015/04/how-emotional-intelligence-became-a-key-leadership-skill" href="https://hbr.org/2015/04/how-emotional-intelligence-became-a-key-leadership-skill" target="_blank" rel="noopener">HBR: How Emotional Intelligence became a leadership skill.</a>

How Emotional Intelligence Helps When You're Under Pressure at Work

Two mature professional women in confidential coaching session at wooden table, engaging in focused discussion with natural window light

Let's be truthful—career change is scary.We fear the unknown. We wonder whether we're going to be good enough. We listen to that inner voice that sometimes pops up and tells us we're probably not going to succeed, that we're going to fail.Then come the questions from other people."Why do you want to change something that's going so well?""Why change a winning team?"Those closest to us remind us how hard we worked to get where we are today. They remember the struggles, the sacrifices, the long hours, the setbacks we overcame."You've worked so hard to get here. Are you really going to throw it all away?"And yet, despite all of that, something deep inside keeps whispering that it's time.Time for something new.Time for fresh challenges.Time to step outside your comfort zone and discover what else you are capable of.The interesting thing is that the very reasons people give you for staying are often the reasons you know you can make the change.You've done hard things before.You've faced challenges before.You've fought for opportunities, pushed through setbacks, and found a way forward.You know how resilient you are.You know your values. You know what matters most to you. And ultimately, you are the only person who truly understands why this change feels important.You don't need everyone else to understand it.You need to understand it.I've been in that place myself.I've faced adversity. I've stepped into the unknown when there were no guarantees and no clear roadmap.Looking back, I can see how much I grew because of those decisions.I believe I am a more grounded person because of the changes I have made. A better partner. A better mother. A better friend, daughter, and sister.At the time, I didn't know exactly how things would turn out.But I did know one thing.Deep down inside, I knew I would be alright.I trusted myself.And sometimes, that is the confidence we need—not certainty about the outcome, but confidence in our ability to handle whatever comes next.This is exactly the work we do in coaching—exploring what is driving the desire for change, challenging the beliefs that hold you back, and building the confidence to step into the unknown with greater clarity and trust in yourself.<a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/podcast/2025/08/make-a-mid-career-industry-change-with-confidence" href="https://hbr.org/podcast/2025/08/make-a-mid-career-industry-change-with-confidence" target="_blank" rel="noopener">HBR: Make a mid-career change with confidence</a><a data-mce-href="1:1%20Leadership%20Coaching" href="1:1%20Leadership%20Coaching" target="_blank" rel="noopener">1:1 Leadership Coaching&nbsp;﻿</a><a href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">Step into the leader you want to be</a>

How to Navigate Career Change with Confidence

Two women engaged in focused coaching conversation at modern table with tablet and notes in bright, naturally-lit space

For many years, guilt felt like a constant companion.It often started as a burning pit in my stomach whenever somebody made a comment—sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly—about me working whilst raising my children.The comment itself could be small, but the effect wasn't.Almost instantly, I would find myself overthinking. Questioning myself. Doubting myself.Was I doing the right thing?Was I spending enough time with my children?Was I being selfish?Was I somehow a bad mother?Yet at the same time, there was something deep inside me that knew I needed to work.Work gave me fulfilment.It gave me a sense of purpose.It challenged me intellectually.It allowed me to contribute and grow.Most importantly, it gave me a sense of personal worth.The interesting thing is that I also loved being a mother.I genuinely enjoyed spending time with my children and treasured the moments we shared together.I never felt I had to choose between wanting a career and wanting a family.I wanted both.In fact, I often felt that being a working mother made me a fuller, more complete person, and ultimately a better mother.Yet the guilt remained.What I eventually realised was that guilt was coming at me from both directions.I felt guilty when I was working.And I felt guilty when I wasn't.If I was at work, I worried about not being at home.If I was at home during the day whilst everyone else was in the office, I felt guilty about not working.Whichever way I turned, guilt seemed to be staring back at me.Looking back, I sometimes wonder whether guilt is an emotion that many women are almost expected to carry.Society often sends subtle messages about what a "good mother" should do, how much time she should spend with her children, how available she should be, and how much she should sacrifice.It can leave women feeling that no matter what choice they make, it isn't quite enough.Over time, I began to ask a different question.Instead of asking, "How do I get rid of the guilt?" I started asking, "What is this guilt trying to tell me?"The answer wasn't immediate, but eventually I discovered something important.My answer to guilt was presence.When I was with my children, I learned to be fully present with them.When I was at work, I learned to be fully present at work.I stopped trying to be in two places at once.I stopped allowing guilt to constantly pull my attention towards where I wasn't.Because guilt has a way of pulling us away from the present moment.Presence brings us back.Back to the people in front of us.Back to the conversations we are having.Back to the moments we are actually living.That shift changed a great deal for me.Not because the guilt disappeared completely, but because it stopped controlling my attention and my energy.Today, as a leadership and executive coach, I see many women facing similar challenges.Some struggle with guilt.Others struggle with boundaries, confidence, self-doubt, overwhelm, competing priorities, or the pressure of trying to succeed in multiple roles at once.There is no single answer because every woman's journey is different.That is why my coaching programmes are tailored to the individual.Through one-to-one coaching, we explore the challenges that are most relevant to you, helping you develop greater self-awareness, emotional intelligence, confidence, and clarity.For those who prefer learning alongside others, my group programmes create a supportive environment where women can share experiences, learn from one another, and realise they are not alone in the challenges they face.Because sometimes the most powerful realisation is this:You are not the only woman who has ever felt this way.And perhaps the journey is not about eliminating guilt altogether.Perhaps it is about learning how to return to the present moment, again and again, and trusting that you are doing the very best you can.<a title="Why do we expect working moms to feel guilty?" href="https://positivepsychologynews.com/news/frawn-morgan/2024061152978?utm_source=chatgpt.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-mce-href="https://positivepsychologynews.com/news/frawn-morgan/2024061152978?utm_source=chatgpt.com">Positive Psychology News</a> &nbsp; &nbsp;<a title="1:1 Women Leadership Coaching" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/women-leadership" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/women-leadership">1:1 Women Leadership Coaching</a><a title="The Leadership Group Program" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">The Leadership Group Program</a> &nbsp;<a title="Watch this" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DZUeilFuNJ_/?hl=en" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-mce-href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DZUeilFuNJ_/?hl=en">Why do working mums feel guilty </a>

Why Do Working Mothers Feel Guilty?

Johanna Parnis England

Hi, I’m Johanna, a Senior Executive and Leadership Coach, I work with professionals who want to change the way they lead — starting with themselves.

My background is in business, not theory. I grew up in a fourth-generation family enterprise and spent over three decades leading in complex, high-pressure environments. That experience shapes how I coach: practical, grounded, and focused on real-world leadership challenges. 

I am really passionate about professional self-development and focus on working with clients to build on their confidence, self-belief, self-worth, emotional Intelligence and purpose.  My services are 1:1 coaching and group coaching programmes.

Blog

The Hidden Patterns Quietly Driving Your Leadership

Managing Your Emotions During Extreme Pressure at Work Post

Under Pressure at work? What pressure reveals about us as...

How Emotional Intelligence Helps When You're Under Pressu...

How to Navigate Career Change with Confidence

Why Do Working Mothers Feel Guilty?