Blog

There is a sentence I hear quite often in my coaching conversations and leadership programmes:<h3>“I know I can do more, but…”</h3>Recently, during one of my Women’s Leadership Programme sessions, a participant expressed this feeling very clearly.She was doing well in her career. She knew she was capable. She was satisfied with what she was doing and knew that she was doing a good job.But there was still that feeling:I could do more.And then came the but.But progressing may mean working longer hours.But further study takes time.But there is a family to think about.But there are already so many demands competing for attention.I think this is a challenge many women will recognise.It isn’t necessarily a lack of ambition. And it isn’t always a lack of confidence.Sometimes you know you are capable of more. You may even know what you would like to do next.The difficulty is understanding how that next step fits with everything else that matters to you.<h3>When two important things compete.</h3> During our conversation, one of the participant’s strongest values was family.At the same time, success and satisfaction were also important to her.And there was the tension.She wanted to grow professionally, but she didn’t want that growth to come at the expense of something else she deeply valued.This is where I believe we can become stuck.We start looking at the situation as an either/or decision.My career or my family.Progress or balance.Ambition or being present for the people who matter to me.And when neither option feels completely right, sometimes we do nothing.We postpone.We revisit the same idea six months later.We tell ourselves that perhaps now isn't the right time.And gradually, “I know I can do more” becomes something we carry around with us rather than something we explore.What is really holding you back? This is one of the reasons I value coaching so much.Coaching doesn't tell you which decision to make.I don't tell someone to apply for the promotion, enrol for the degree, change career or stay exactly where they are.The decision belongs to them.What coaching does is create the space to step away from the noise and look more closely at what is really going on.Because the thing we initially believe is holding us back isn't always the whole story.There may be practical constraints.There may be competing values.There may be beliefs about what career progression has to look like.There may be assumptions about what we would have to give up.And there may be fears sitting quietly underneath all of those things.When we are busy living our lives, we don't always give ourselves the time or space to separate one from the other.<h3>Clarity before action</h3>I often talk about self-leadership in my work, and for me this is a very important part of it.Before asking:“What should I do?”perhaps there are other questions that need our attention.What do I really want?What matters to me now?What am I no longer prepared to compromise?And what is behind the but in:“I know I can do more, but…”?Coaching doesn't remove all the realities of work, family, time and responsibility.But it can help us understand our choices more clearly.And sometimes that clarity is what allows us to stop circling around the same decision and begin moving forward in a way that feels right for us.So perhaps the question isn't simply:“Could I do more?”You may already know the answer to that.Perhaps the more interesting question is:What is stopping me from finding out?Ready to explore your own “but…”?Perhaps you’re thinking about a career change, preparing for your next promotion, considering starting your own business, or simply feeling that you are capable of more but aren’t quite sure what your next step should be.In my My&nbsp; <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/women-leadership" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/women-leadership" target="_blank" rel="noopener">1:1&nbsp; Leadership Coaching </a>&nbsp;&nbsp;gives you the space to step away from the day-to-day noise and focus on you — where you are now, where you want to go, and what may be getting in the way.Together, we create the clarity and self-awareness you need to make your own decisions with greater confidence and move forward with purpose.If you recognise yourself in “I know I can do more, but…”, perhaps it’s time to explore what comes after the but.Get in touch with me to book a discovery call and let’s talk about where you want to go next.<a href="https://calendly.com/jpebc/coaching-session" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-mce-href="https://calendly.com/jpebc/coaching-session">Book a free discovery call</a>Warmly,Johanna

I know I can do More, But.....

Diverse professionals attending virtual meeting with multiple participant screens visible during governance consultation

<h3>Delegation can be scary.</h3>It can feel as though you are letting go of control over something you know you can do well. You have the knowledge, the competence and the experience. You know the pitfalls, you’ve seen what can go wrong, and very often you’ve been the person who has stepped in and put things right. So, of course, handing over certain parts of your role to someone else can feel uncomfortable.There can be all sorts of fears sitting underneath that discomfort. What if they don’t do the job as well as you would? What if they get it wrong and you are held responsible? What if you lose control? And perhaps one of the harder fears to admit: what if someone else becomes so good at what you do that you begin to feel less important?These are very real obstacles to delegation. And the truth is, some of the things we fear can happen. Someone may make a mistake. They may approach the work completely differently from you. And yes, there is always the possibility that someone will eventually learn to do something even better than you can.<h3>But isn’t that also part of leadership?</h3>Our role as leaders is not to make ourselves indispensable. It is to recognise potential in other people and nurture it. It is to give people the opportunity to learn, make decisions, take responsibility and sometimes make mistakes. Letting go and stepping back doesn’t mean that we stop leading. We lead differently — by giving our people the trust, encouragement and support they need to grow.One of the most powerful moments for me during a recent session on delegation in my <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Women’s Leadership Group Programme </a>came from one of the participants. She shared that her biggest realisation was that by stepping back and letting go, she wasn’t only creating space for someone else to grow. She was creating space for herself to grow too — to learn new skills and take hold of new opportunities.She said that once she saw delegation from that perspective, her fear began to diminish.I loved that insight because we so often think of delegation in terms of what we are giving away. Perhaps we need to think more about what it makes possible.When you let go of some of the things you already know how to do, you create the space to discover what you are capable of doing next.In my <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Women's Leadership Group Programme,</a> I provide the space for you to step back and become more aware of what may be holding you back from delegating. We explore those barriers and work with practical tools that help you build trust, let go with greater confidence, and integrate delegation into your leadership as a strategic tool for both your own growth and the development of your team.Warmly,JohannaFor further reading:<a title="How to Get Better at Delegating" href="https://hbr.org/2025/03/how-to-get-better-at-delegating?" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/2025/03/how-to-get-better-at-delegating">https://hbr.org/2025/03/how-to-get-better-at-delegating?</a><a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">Women's Leadership Group Programme</a>

Delegation Skills: What Are You Afraid Might Happen If You Let Go

Diverse hands joined together in a circle, symbolizing community unity and collective support

<h3>The Please Others Driver</h3>Please Others is perhaps one of the easiest Drivers to mistake entirely for a strength.And understandably so.Leaders with a strong Please Others Driver are often empathetic, supportive and collaborative. They are good team players, strong communicators and relationship builders. They notice what is happening around them, consider different perspectives and genuinely care about the people they lead.They can be the people who hold a team together.These are valuable leadership qualities.But what happens when the pressure builds?That's where it gets interesting.Because under prolonged or chronic stress, those same strengths can begin to work against us.Empathy can become people pleasing.Being considerate can become difficulty saying no.Wanting to involve others can make decision-making harder.Maintaining harmony can become avoiding conflict.Supporting everyone else can mean continually putting our own needs at the bottom of the list.And I know this one particularly well.Please Others is my go-to Driver.When I first became aware of it, I began to recognise just how much it had contributed positively to the way I lead and work with people.But I also started recognising something else.When I was under extreme pressure, I leaned into it even more.I would take on too much. Saying no became harder. I worried about disappointing people. I could put other people's needs ahead of my own and sometimes avoid a difficult conversation because maintaining the relationship felt more comfortable.The behaviour itself became a warning sign.Today, when I notice those patterns becoming stronger, I know to stop and ask myself:Is this strength serving me right now—or has my Driver taken over?That awareness has been incredibly important for me.Because understanding our Drivers isn't about getting rid of them.In coaching, we take a deep dive into our Drivers so that we understand not only our dominant patterns, but also the other Drivers available to us.Sometimes the situation doesn't need me to Please Others.It might need some Be Strong so that I can hold my ground.It might need Be Perfect because greater attention to detail is required.It might need Hurry Up because a decision genuinely needs to be made.Or Try Hard because perseverance is exactly what's called for.The aim isn't to replace one Driver with another. It's to develop the awareness and flexibility to adapt rather than automatically default to the pattern that feels most familiar.That was one of the most powerful takeaways from Session 4 of our Leadership Programme:Drivers are not our personality. They are patterns we have learned—and awareness gives us the opportunity to choose whether they are still serving us. For me, that is where self-awareness becomes practical leadership.It's not simply knowing yourself better.It's noticing yourself in the moment—particularly when you're under pressure—and having the ability to choose a different response.Because sometimes our greatest leadership strength is exactly what we need.And sometimes, great leadership means knowing when not to use it.<a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The next Women's Leadership Programme is starting on Wednesday 16th September, I invite you to join the journey.</a><a data-mce-href="https://calendly.com/jpebc/coaching-session" href="https://calendly.com/jpebc/coaching-session">Book a Discovery Call</a>Warmly,JohannaFor further reading (podcast):<a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/podcast/2024/07/is-people-pleasing-holding-you-back" href="https://hbr.org/podcast/2024/07/is-people-pleasing-holding-you-back" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Is people pleasing holding your back: HBR</a>

The Please Others Driver: When a Leadership Strength Starts Working Against You.

Diverse participants engaged in collaborative workshop discussion with facilitator in bright, naturally-lit modern space

"Why do intelligent, capable leaders keep repeating the same behaviours under pressure?"One of the most thought-provoking moments in Session 4 of my <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Women's Leadership Programme </a>came when we explored the Five Drivers from Transactional Analysis.As each participant completed the questionnaire, something interesting happened.People began laughing.Not because the exercise was funny.Because they recognised themselves.One participant admitted she struggled to say no.Another realised perfectionism was keeping her working long after everyone else had gone home.Someone else recognised they rarely asked for help, even when they desperately needed it.Different behaviours.The same underlying process.As leaders, we often believe we're making conscious decisions.But under pressure, we frequently operate on autopilot.Transactional Analysis calls these automatic patterns Drivers—deeply ingrained messages that influence how we think, behave and lead, particularly when stress begins to build. One or two Drivers usually become dominant under pressure, often pushing us towards perfectionism, people pleasing, overworking, rushing, or carrying everything on our own.The surprising part? Our Drivers are not weaknesses.They are often the very qualities that helped us become successful.A Be Perfect leader strives for excellence.A Please Others leader creates trust and connection.A Be Strong leader remains calm during a crisis.A Hurry Up leader gets things moving.A Try Hard leader brings energy, creativity and persistence.These qualities are valuable.In fact, they're often exactly what our teams appreciate most.The problem isn't the Driver.The problem is what happens when pressure becomes chronic.That's when our greatest strength can quietly become our biggest limitation.The perfectionist struggles to delegate.The people pleaser can't say no.The strong leader carries everything alone.The energetic leader rushes decisions.The persistent leader keeps trying long after a different approach is needed.One sentence from the session seemed to resonate with everyone:"Every Driver brings valuable leadership strengths. The key is recognising when a Driver is serving you—and when, under pressure, it begins to drive your behaviour instead of you consciously choosing how to lead." That is where emotional intelligence begins.Not by changing who we are.But by becoming aware of the patterns that quietly take over when life becomes demanding.Next week I'll share the Driver that has shaped much of my own leadership journey—and how recognising it changed the way I lead.The next <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/the-leadership-group-program" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Women's Leadership Programme</a> is starting on Wednesday 16th September, I invite you to join the journey.Warmly,JohannaFurther Reading <a data-mce-href="Hay,%20J.%20Organisational%20Transactional%20Analysis%20and%20Permissions%20–%20An%20Essay." href="Hay,%20J.%20Organisational%20Transactional%20Analysis%20and%20Permissions%20–%20An%20Essay.">Kahler, T. (1975). Drivers: The Key to the Process of Scripts. Transactional Analysis Journal.</a><a data-mce-href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/036215370003000307" href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/036215370003000307">Hay, J. Organisational Transactional Analysis and Permissions – An Essay.</a>

The Hidden Patterns Quietly Driving Your Leadership

Professional taking mindful reflection moment at organized desk with plants and notebook in calm, naturally-lit workspace

<h2>Your Leadership Triggers Are Not Your Weakness</h2>One of the most powerful exercises we explored during this week's <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/leadership-women-group" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/leadership-women-group">group leadership programme </a>was identifying our personal leadership triggers.Every leader has them.The situations that instantly change how we think, feel or behave.Sometimes it's being challenged.Sometimes it's conflict.Sometimes it's feeling unsupported.Sometimes it's when things don't go according to plan.The interesting part isn't the trigger itself.It's what happens next.As each participant reflected on a recent leadership experience, different patterns began to emerge.One recognised a tendency to raise her voice during conflict.Another noticed withdrawing and replaying conversations long after they had ended.Someone else realised she avoided difficult situations altogether, hoping they would simply disappear.Different behaviours.Different personalities.Yet the same underlying process.When we feel threatened, criticised or overwhelmed, our emotional brain reacts instinctively. Before we know it, we're reacting rather than responding. This is what psychologist Daniel Goleman refers to as an emotional hijack.During the session, I shared a metaphor that I often use to explain this.Imagine a lion and its trainer.The lion represents the emotional part of our brain. It is powerful, instinctive and reacts quickly.The trainer represents the logical, thinking part of our brain.If you asked who is stronger, the answer would be the lion.But who is in control?The trainer.Not because the trainer is stronger, but because over time they have built trust, earned respect and learned how to guide the lion rather than fight against it.Our brains work in much the same way.Our emotions are incredibly powerful. We cannot stop ourselves from feeling them, nor should we. But we can strengthen the logical part of our brain so that it guides our emotional responses instead of being overwhelmed by them.That training begins with emotional intelligence.First, we recognise what we're feeling.Then we understand what the emotion is trying to tell us.Finally, we learn how to manage our response so that our emotions inform our decisions rather than control them.One thing I always remind my clients is this:Your trigger is not your weakness.It is information.It is pointing towards something that matters.Perhaps a value.Perhaps an unmet emotional need.Perhaps an old belief that no longer serves you.When we become curious instead of critical, those same triggers become opportunities for growth.Emotional intelligence isn't about becoming emotionless.It's about becoming more intentional.The leaders who make the greatest impact aren't the ones who never feel frustrated, anxious or overwhelmed.They're the ones who have learned to recognise those emotions, understand them, and choose how they respond.<a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/leadership-women-group" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/leadership-women-group">And that's a skill every one of us can develop - &nbsp;when emotional intelligence becomes a practical leadership skill—not just an interesting concept.</a>In my next blog I'll write about how emotional intelligence can support you setting boundaries.Warmly,Johanna<a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/leadership-women-group-2" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/leadership-women-group-2">Learn more about how emotional intelligence can support your leadership growth?﻿</a><a data-mce-href="https://calendly.com/jpebc/coaching-session" href="https://calendly.com/jpebc/coaching-session">Book a free discovery call.</a> Further reading:<a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance" href="https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance">Goleman, Boyatzis &amp; McKee</a> <a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance" href="https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance">Primal Leadership: The Hidden Driver of Great Performance (Harvard Business Review)</a><a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance" href="https://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance">Research published in the Harvard Business Review shows that a leader's emotional state has a direct influence on the people around them. Leaders don't just manage tasks—they set the emotional tone for their teams. That's why recognising our own emotional triggers isn't simply a personal skill; it's a leadership responsibility.</a>

Managing Your Emotions During Extreme Pressure at Work Post

<h3>How building your emotional intelligence helps.</h3> Yesterday I facilitated the first session of my <a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">Leadership Under Pressure programme </a>with a wonderful group of women leaders from different parts of the world.<figure id="figure-fz4j8i8s6cmrw1bhq4"><img id="fz4j8i8s6cmrw1bhq4" src="https://rjdavx8ozyznxeyh.public.blob.vercel-storage.com/production/websites/infinite-images/00ff6c06-ebdd-43bd-a2cc-3629dffb76e1-BsGGQ7XSzsoOk327YLJ1dVBxR3FUop.png" alt="Business coach and entrepreneur in focused conversation at modern wooden table with natural window light and coaching materials" title="Business coach and entrepreneur in focused conversation at modern wooden table with natural window light and coaching materials" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 " style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://rjdavx8ozyznxeyh.public.blob.vercel-storage.com/production/websites/infinite-images/00ff6c06-ebdd-43bd-a2cc-3629dffb76e1-BsGGQ7XSzsoOk327YLJ1dVBxR3FUop.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure>Although they work in different industries, live on different continents and have very different leadership roles, one thing became immediately clear.Pressure speaks the same language.Whether it's conflict, tight deadlines, uncertainty or high expectations, pressure has a way of changing how we lead.As we began exploring recent leadership situations, I asked each participant a simple question:"When leadership becomes difficult, what changes first?"The answers were surprisingly similar.Patience.Communication.Confidence.Sleep.<a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">Decision making.</a><a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">Energy.</a><a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">These aren't signs of poor leadership.</a><a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">They're signs that our nervous system has taken over.</a><a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">This is exactly where emotional intelligence becomes so valuable.</a>Many people think emotional intelligence is about staying calm or hiding emotions.It isn't.It's about recognising what is happening inside us before our emotions begin making decisions on our behalf.During the session we explored four emotional intelligence competencies that become especially important under pressure:Emotional self-awareness Impulse control Stress tolerance Reality testing These skills don't remove pressure.They help us respond to it differently.One of the most powerful moments came when participants realised that the behaviours they disliked most about themselves weren't actually the problem.The raised voice.The withdrawal.The overthinking.The avoidance.These behaviours were simply signals.Something underneath needed attention.That shift in perspective changed the conversation completely.Rather than asking,"What's wrong with me?"they began asking,"What is this reaction trying to tell me?"For me, that's where real leadership development begins.Not by trying to become someone different.But by becoming more aware of ourselves.Because awareness always comes before change.In my next blog in this series I'll write about how to interrupt those automatic reactions before they become habits.<a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">And that is where emotional intelligence becomes a practical leadership skill—not just an interesting concept.</a><a data-mce-href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be" href="https://johannaparnisengland.com/work-with-me/step-into-the-leader-you-are-meant-to-be">Learn more about how emotional intelligence can support your leadership growth?</a> <a data-mce-href="https://calendly.com/jpebc/coaching-session" href="https://calendly.com/jpebc/coaching-session">Book a free discovery call.</a>Warmly,Johanna&nbsp;<a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader" href="https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">Read more on the topic: https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader?</a><a data-mce-href="https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader" href="https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader">Research by Daniel Goleman published in the Harvard Business Review found that emotional intelligence is one of the distinguishing characteristics of outstanding leaders—not because it removes pressure, but because it helps leaders respond to pressure more effectively.</a>

Under Pressure at work? What pressure reveals about us as leaders.

Johanna Parnis England

Hi, I’m Johanna, a Senior Executive and Leadership Coach, I work with professionals who want to change the way they lead — starting with themselves.

My background is in business, not theory. I grew up in a fourth-generation family enterprise and spent over three decades leading in complex, high-pressure environments. That experience shapes how I coach: practical, grounded, and focused on real-world leadership challenges. 

I am really passionate about professional self-development and focus on working with clients to build on their confidence, self-belief, self-worth, emotional Intelligence and purpose.  My services are 1:1 coaching and group coaching programmes.

Blog

I know I can do More, But.....

Delegation Skills: What Are You Afraid Might Happen If Yo...

The Please Others Driver: When a Leadership Strength Star...

The Hidden Patterns Quietly Driving Your Leadership

Managing Your Emotions During Extreme Pressure at Work Post

Under Pressure at work? What pressure reveals about us as...